Self-Compassion in Bodywork: Learning to Work With Ourselves, Not Against Ourselves

"If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" — RuPaul

I love this quote, especially when I think about the work we do as massage therapists.

As bodyworkers, so much of our work revolves around caring for other people. We spend our days listening to our clients, recognizing their discomfort, and doing our best to create an environment where they feel safe, supported, and understood. We encourage them to slow down, listen to their bodies, and approach their experiences with curiosity rather than judgment.

But how often do we extend that same compassion to ourselves?

I think it's interesting that we can spend an entire day encouraging our clients to listen to their bodies while completely ignoring what our own bodies are trying to tell us. We remind our clients that they deserve rest, but push ourselves through exhaustion. We encourage them to be patient with their healing, but become frustrated when our own bodies aren't cooperating.

Somewhere along the way, I think we forget that we deserve the same care we're so willing to give to others.

What Does Self-Compassion Mean for a Massage Therapist?

When we talk about compassion in massage therapy, we often focus on the compassion we provide to our clients. We think about empathy, therapeutic presence, and creating a supportive environment. These are all incredibly important parts of our work, but I believe compassion needs to extend beyond the treatment table.

Psychologist and researcher Dr. Kristin Neff describes self-compassion through three interconnected elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness (Neff, 2003). In simple terms, this means treating ourselves with understanding when things are difficult, recognizing that struggle is a shared human experience, and acknowledging our feelings without becoming completely consumed by them.

Think about how these principles might show up in your practice.

When a client comes in experiencing chronic pain, we generally don't criticize them for being in pain. We recognize that they're having a difficult experience and try to meet them where they are. We understand that their body has its own history, limitations, and needs, and that forcing change isn't always the most helpful approach.

Now, imagine applying that same understanding to yourself.

What happens when you're having an emotionally difficult day? What about when your hands are tired, your back hurts, or you're feeling overwhelmed by everything you have to accomplish? Do you respond with the same patience you would offer a client, or does your inner critic start telling you to push through?

Self-compassion asks us to recognize that we are just as deserving of care as the people we're caring for.

The Pressure to Always Be the Caregiver

One thing I've noticed about the massage industry is how easily we can begin to measure our value by how much we're able to give.

We want to help people. That's often one of the reasons we entered this profession in the first place. There's something incredibly meaningful about being able to sit with someone in their discomfort and offer support through therapeutic touch.

But sometimes that desire to help can make it difficult to recognize our own needs.

Maybe you've agreed to squeeze in one more client even though you're already exhausted. Maybe you've worked through discomfort in your own body because someone else needed relief. Or perhaps you've felt guilty about taking time off because you know your clients depend on you.

I think many of us have experienced some version of this.

And while there's nothing wrong with wanting to help, I think it's worth asking ourselves whether we're extending the same compassion inward that we're offering outward.

Would you encourage a client to ignore their pain simply because someone else needed them? Would you tell them that their worth depends on how productive they are or how much they can accomplish?

Probably not.

So why do we sometimes hold ourselves to those expectations?

Self-compassion doesn't mean we stop caring about our clients or abandon our responsibilities. It means recognizing that our needs matter, too. Sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do is establish a boundary, take a break, or acknowledge that we don't have the capacity to give more in that moment.

How Self-Compassion Influences Our Therapeutic Presence

I believe one of the most valuable things we can offer our clients is our ability to be present with them.

Not necessarily to fix everything they're experiencing, but to create an environment where they feel heard, respected, and supported.

When we're constantly criticizing ourselves, worrying about whether we're doing enough, or feeling responsible for every outcome, it can become difficult to remain fully engaged with the person on our table.

I think this is particularly relevant when working with chronic pain and complex conditions.

Imagine you're working with a client who has been experiencing persistent pain for years. You've tried several approaches, but they aren't responding the way you hoped. Maybe their pain hasn't changed, or perhaps they leave the session feeling only slightly better.

How do you respond internally?

Do you become frustrated with yourself? Do you question your abilities as a therapist? Do you feel like you've somehow failed because you weren't able to provide the relief you wanted?

I've certainly experienced moments where I've questioned whether I was doing enough.

But here's something I think is important to remember: We can be compassionate, skilled, and intentional therapists without being able to fix everything.

Our clients are complex human beings, and their experiences are influenced by far more than what happens during a massage session. We can provide meaningful support without taking responsibility for every aspect of their healing.

Research exploring self-compassion among healthcare professionals suggests potential benefits for practitioner well-being, although evidence that self-compassion directly improves patient-reported compassionate care remains limited (Sinclair et al., 2017).

For me, this is less about becoming a better therapist through self-compassion and more about developing a healthier relationship with the work itself.

When we can recognize our own limitations without judgment, we may find it easier to approach our clients with that same understanding.

Working With Our Own Nervous Systems

At The Myosomatic Institute, one of our foundational beliefs is that we should be working with the body, not against it.

And I think that philosophy needs to begin with ourselves.

We spend so much time learning how to observe our clients' bodies. We look for patterns of tension, changes in breathing, protective responses, and signs that the nervous system may be experiencing stress.

But how often do we practice that same observation within our own bodies?

Maybe you notice your shoulders creeping toward your ears halfway through a session. Perhaps your breathing becomes shallow when you're running behind schedule. Or maybe you recognize that you're becoming irritable or disconnected after several appointments without a break.

These are opportunities to become curious about our own experiences.

Rather than immediately criticizing ourselves for feeling stressed, we can practice observing what's happening.

This is where the Myosomatic Method's four pillars—Observe, Regulate, Rewrite, and Integrate—can become relevant to our own lives, not just our work with clients.

We can Observe what's happening in our bodies without judgment. We can Regulate by finding small ways to support ourselves in the moment. We can begin to Rewrite some of the beliefs and habits that encourage us to ignore our own needs. And through Integration, we can practice bringing that awareness into our daily routines.

None of this requires us to be perfectly regulated or completely free from stress. We're human, just like the people we work with.

The goal isn't to eliminate every uncomfortable sensation or emotional response. It's to develop a relationship with ourselves that allows us to recognize those experiences and respond with a little more understanding.

Practicing Self-Compassion in the Treatment Room

I want to offer a simple practice that you can begin incorporating into your work.

Before your next massage session, take a moment to check in with yourself.

Notice how you're feeling physically. Are you tired? Are you holding tension somewhere? Is there an area of your body asking for a little extra attention?

Then, notice how you're feeling emotionally. Are you excited to see your client? Are you distracted by something happening outside of work? Are you feeling overwhelmed or pressured to provide a particular outcome?

Whatever you notice, see if you can approach it with curiosity rather than judgment.

You don't have to change anything immediately. Just recognize what's present.

Now, ask yourself a question:

If one of my clients were experiencing what I'm experiencing right now, how would I respond to them?

Would you encourage them to take a breath? Would you remind them that they're allowed to have difficult days? Would you offer them patience and understanding?

See if you can offer yourself a little of that same compassion.